For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name… Isaiah 54:5

And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call Me “My Husband”… Hosea 2:16

…”Come, I will show you the Bride, the wife of the Lamb.” Revelation 21:9

Everyone knows that sex sells, but not everyone is equally well informed that sex also tells.   Indeed, sex–as God intended it–tells the story of the Triune God who, though different from us, desires to be united with us.

Amazingly, God has ordained that within the matrix of marriage, covenant partners are privy to the delicacies of God’s unconditional, everlasting, and all-consuming love.  By divine design, marital love between a man and a woman is analogous to God’s love for His people, so that all those who participate in this blessed union of souls find a flesh and blood illustration of God’s lovingkindness and the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The result is that within marriage, sex uniquely discloses an epic of God’s sacrificial love and covenantal faithfulness.

For instance, as a man honors his wife by delighting in her frailties and imperfections, he expresses the love of Christ.  Just the same, when a respectful wife gladly receives the off-balanced advances of her repentant husband, she reflects the obedient enthusiasm of the Spirit-filled church.   In this is the mystery of Christ and the church, because after all, the passionate death of God’s Son was enacted for the express purpose of purchasing His beloved bride (Ephesians 5:25-33).

Consequently, Christian marriages that endeavor to show the love of God to one another in sexual intimacy, bear witness to the cosmic reality of Christ and His church.   Though this is not the first thing young couples think about on their honeymoon, perhaps it should be.

Mark Dever makes this bold connection between human sexuality and divine glory in his essay on the Puritan’s view on sex.  Rather than subscribing to a dour, disenchanted view of sexuality and marriage, the biblically saturated Puritans delighted in sexuality for the purpose of glorifying God’s goodness and extolling his Good News.  We can learn much from the example of these heavenly minded saints.  Dever writes:

We need to re-couple sex and the glory of God as part of our evangelism.  When we use another person for money or for a one-night stand, when we use pornography, we de-couple sex from its intended purpose.  Whenever we use other people to achieve our own gratification and ends, we idolize ourselves and our appetites.  However, God set up good sex as part of evangelism.  That does not mean we practice evangelistic dating, let alone evangelistic mating.  It means that the sexual intimacy of marriage helps our spouse to love God, it helps us understand how Christ loves the church, and it builds a marriage that is distinct from unfaithful and non-Christian marriages. 

[Richard] Baxter writes, “When Husband and Wife take pleasure in each other, it uniteth them in duty, it helpeth them with ease to do the work, and bear their burdens; and is not the least part of the comfort of the married state” (The Christian Directory, 522).  In short, sex within marriage helps display the Christian gospel by teaching us how to love and how we are loved by One who is different than Ourselves–by God himself  (Mark Dever, “Christian Hedonists or Religious Prudes?  The Puritans on Sex” in Sex and the Supremacy of Christ [Crossway: 2005], 264).

“Sex as part of evangelism.”  Really?  Yes.  All things that God created good have the potential to elicit praise and to point people to Jesus (1 Timothy 4:1-5).  Sex is no different.   Upheld in its dignified and holy place, sex ought to be a means by which Christ and His church are made known.   This is certainly true within marriage, and as Christians hold out a model of pure and lovely sexuality in a world that trashes the beauty of this creation, they offer to those who have ears to hear a message that points people to Christ.

It seems then that we can learn much from pure and holy sex protected within marriage.  Amazingly, we can even learn about the gospel!  And unlike the vulgar knowledge of sex gained in a high school locker room or online chat rooms, this knowledge opens the eyes of our heart to see the lovingkindness of the Creator of this marvelous gift.   Moreover, it demonstrates His love to us and charges us to make His grace and glory known by keeping our covenant commitments of marriage and to keep His precious gift of sexuality pure.  In this way the gospel is advanced and the love of the kingdom is made manifest.

May we learn to exercise self-control and to delight in our spouses for the sake of our marriages and for the sake of the gospel.

Soli Deo Gloria,
DSS

David Schrock pastors Calvary Baptist Church in Seymour, IN.  He is a graduate of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and is currently a doctoral student at SBTS.  You can read more of David’s writings on his blog.

See Also:

• Pervasive Perversity
• Nate Larkin on Authenticity
• Laughing at Destruction
• A Porn Survivor’s Story

Check out this quick video for a sense of the impact our friends at Central have experienced, and contact us about how your church can partner with pureHOPE.

This equipping begins early (earlier than most parents realize), and should continue in age-appropriate ways.  We’ve produced a brief document to assist parents in cultivating purity of heart and mind in their kids, whether their child is just learning to walk, or ready to walk through a graduation ceremony.  These talking points and ideas will get you started in preparing your kids to pursue God’s purposes for their lives.

For more on equipping your kids to pursue holiness, purity, and sanctification as sexual beings bearing the image of God, check out Jim Burns’ book Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality: A Biblical Approach to Prepare Them for Life, which offers more insight, talking points, strategies, and conversation starters for equipping your kids in today’s culture.

“It took getting me into all those closets, and into all those things that I had hidden, and just exposing them to the light of the Lord.”  Chris Pollard

See Also:

• Sixty-Second Solutions: Authenticity
• Steve Fenton’s Story
• Somebody’s Daughter Documentary
• The Story of Sex
• Sixty-Second Solutions: Reject Passivity

SCRATCHING THE SURFACE
For this documentary project on the issue of pornography and its effects on the church, South African filmmaker Francois Driessen and his team at FireTrigger Inc. have assembled substantial interview footage from experts across the country (click here to view all of the raw footage), and intend this project, when finished, to educate and equip the church to address pornography addiction and effectively push back on the pornification of society.  This project follows on the heels of Willful Entrapment, a visually arresting short film by FireTrigger that lifts the veil on the perception that porn is “innocent fun” and depicts it as the door to psychotic addiction and destruction that it really is.

RAPE FOR PROFIT
This project is a raw look at prostitution and trafficking in Seattle, one of the busiest hubs for trafficking of women and girls in the US.  With footage taken on the streets of commercial sexual exploitation as it happens, as well as interviews of leading experts on prostitution and pornography, the Rape For Profit team exposes the viewer to the utter depravity and degradation of commercial sex in our communities.

SHAMED
This documentary will address the debilitating effects of shame surrounding pornography in conservative Christian communities.  The film will document the harms of pornography, through interviews of subject-matter experts, religious leaders, and those who have escaped from the clutches of addiction.  One of its goals is to equip young parents how to openly and honestly communicate with their children (starting at very young ages) not only about the dangers of pornography, but also teach them what healthy sexuality is and to understand that healthy sexual relations in the right circumstances are wonderful.  Funds for this project are being raised through a Kickstarter campaign, and 75% of the all-or-nothing goal of $40,000 has been raised with a cut-off of February 15.

I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True.  Revelation 19:11

It is written that we husbands are to love our wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  We read this verse and meditate on it at just about every wedding we attend.  Yet this eloquent description of the archetypal marriage begs the question: “What does it mean to give myself up for my wife?”  While we must follow Christ’s example and be ready to face death literally for our loved ones, most of us will not be confronted with the decision to die a substitutionary death for our wives.  But physical death was not the only way Jesus gave himself up.

In the Revelation, John saw the bridegroom returning, and He was called according to two primary attributes – faithfulness and truth.  Imagine this!  John is gazing upon the “Mighty God” and the “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6), the One to whom all praise is due, and yet the name He chooses to go by reflects His attachment and commitment to us, whose frames are “but dust” (Psalm 103:14).  I must ask myself if I’m defining myself in the same manner as my Lord–as a faithful and true bridegroom–or am I defining myself primarily by my professional title, by my accomplishments, or by my net worth?  Am I “my beloved’s”?  Or am I mine?

It is in this way that we can give ourselves up and “die daily” (I Corinthians 15:31), thus loving our wives as Christ loved the Church.  When we are “faithful and true,” we put our wives first, ourselves second.  We value their hope and confidence in our fidelity both on the road and when we are at home–above our own wants and desires.  Each of us is “exhilarated always with her love” and infatuated with her body “at all times” (Proverbs 5:18-19).

It must be emphasized, though, that our “death” cannot be contingent on our wives’ reciprocation.  Jesus was faithful and true to the point of crucifixion not only if we loved Him in the same way; indeed, it was because we had not loved Him that His death was necessary.

It’s the same in our case.  We must “give ourselves up” precisely because our wives, like us, are imperfect and will at times cause us hurt.  It’s only in this way that we’re truly “crucified with Christ” (Galatians 2:20).

Each day we must decide to be faithful and true husbands.  The world conspires against this, because being faithful is the very reflection of God’s love for humanity.  But when we daily choose to be filled with God’s Spirit, we allow ourselves to be conformed to His image, His faithfulness, and His truth.  We can then sing over our wives as He sings over His people:  “I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion, and I will betroth you to me in faithfulness” (Hosea 2:19-20).

This devotion appears in On The Road: Meditations for Men Who Travel, a collection of inspiring and encouraging writings from dozens of Christian leaders and businessmen.  Click here to order a copy from Beacon Hill Press.

While there are many steps parents can take to monitor, limit, filter, and deactivate with respect to devices and Internet access, the most important remains cultivating open and honest communication between yourself and your kids.  Nothing replaces an ongoing,
grace-based dialogue that addresses the topics of sex, technology, expectations, purpose, boundaries, and consequences, all in the context of honoring and loving God in our thoughts, words, and actions (Romans 12:1-2).

To that end, we’ve created a simple document–a safe-use agreement–for parents to use as a communication tool with their teens.  By reviewing and signing this agreement together, parents and kids can arrive at a meeting of the minds regarding the privilege of tech use, the expectations and duties surrounding that privilege, and the consequences of abuse of that privilege.  In taking this one, simple step and following it up with consistent dialogue, parents are taking a giant leap with respect to equipping their kids to walk with wisdom, discernment, and integrity in the sexualized, technology-driven age they are living.

See Also:

• Sixty-Second Solutions: Posting Prudence
• Developing a Tech Strategy
• Talking to Your Teen About Sex
• Parenting Advice from The Economist
• The Year Parents Totally Freaked Out

Click here to view the internship description and application instructions, and check out the video below to hear what a few of our previous interns have said about their experience:

Put simply, passivity in our relationships with God and others will not get it done.  Not only does passivity make us vulnerable to temptation, fear, and isolation, but it is the opposite of loving, engaged relationship.  God has not called us to a passive existence; He fills us with power, love, and wisdom (2 Timothy 1:7) that produces boldness and confidence through faith in Jesus Christ (Ephesians 3:11-12).

In this edition of Sixty-Second Solutions, Jon Kitna explains to attendees of a pureHOPE men’s conference why rejecting passivity is so important in their pursuit of purity, holiness, and loving engagement with their families.